


Kiss The Ground

by howsthismylife



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Crying, Emotional Constipation, Eventual Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Pain, WIP, human!Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-07-10 08:28:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6975481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howsthismylife/pseuds/howsthismylife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel looked around and noticed he didn’t really have that much stuff. There were some books, a couple of clothes, a slipper Sam gave him for giggles.</p><p>He didn’t really have anything as a human. </p><p>Dean was his reason, his universe. But it seems that that one is gone too. </p><p>~</p><p>Things that happenes when Cas confessed his love for Dean</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kiss The Ground

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because I've been reading Destiel for weeks now and have a lot of feels.  
> I'm not well versed in Supernatural so I'm trying to avoid miss information. 
> 
> This was written on a whim, just a chapter. If I get enough motivation I may continue this.  
> This would probably feel empty and incomplete because it is. I just needed to write and I really do have a problem with motivation.
> 
> This is not beta read so sorry for the errors
> 
> This is my first Destiel fic.

  
The first time Castiel felt pain was when hot oil touched his skin as he was trying to cook breakfast. He winced and stared at the spot on his hand where the skin was slowly turning red. Just being new to this human thing, Castiel didn’t know what to do so he just let the pain linger there while the egg he was cooking starts to get burnt.

  
He was prepared for all the new things he would encounter now that he was human. Castiel was prepared for the cold of the night air when he goes outside to look at the stars at night sometimes, he was prepared for the rush of excitement he feels whenever he learns something new, he was prepared for the striking, aching, feeling inside of him that later on he would know was loneliness whenever he stands in the middle of the Bunker’s living room while the brothers were away with a hunt.

  
Castiel was prepared for it all.

  
What he wasn’t prepared for was the crushing feeling deep within him, heart pounding, making it hard for him to breathe when Dean told him that he couldn’t do it, that Dean didn’t see him the way Castiel sees him.

  
All he did was told Dean that he loves him, so why does it feel like his wings had been clipped for the second time?

  
It didn’t come to him like a wave. In fact Castiel just stood there frozen while Dean looked at him. At any time he would have deciphered what those look meant but right at that moment he couldn’t make sense of what was happening. Then Dean turned his back at him slowly before walking towards the Impala and driving off. Still, Castiel stood there frozen before it hits him.

  
It didn’t come to him like a wave. Castiel blinked and was confused why there were tears in his eyes. He slowly brought a hand to his chest, looking down slowly, clutching, swallowing, before taking a deep breath.

  
“What—” he huffed. He felt dizzy. Castiel looked around but it was blurry from the tears. He tried to get inside the Bunker but was finding it hard just to open the door.

  
He heard Sam call his name when he entered. He couldn’t really say anything. It was as if his mouth was stuffed with cotton.

  
Castiel stumbled inside. He was sure he knocked off something but didn’t really care. The thing in his chest was a far greater threat than anything he had faced before. And that was saying a lot.

  
He felt a hand on his back. Sam was calling his name. He was kneeling on the floor. _When did I get on my knees?_

  
“Sam,” he croaked. Pawing his chest he looked at Sam and said, “Sam . . . what . . . I can’t breathe.”

  
“What happened?” he heard Sam say.

  
“I – Dean . . .” it felt like something wants to come out of his chest. He couldn’t breathe properly.

  
“What happened to Dean?”

  
“I – I shouldn’t have told him,” he said. “I shouldn’t have told him,” he cried. “I shouldn’t have told him,” he whispered.

  
Castiel can feel Sam’s eye on him. He was rubbing circles on Castiel’s back. It was enough to bring him back.

  
“What did you tell him, Cas?” Sam asked, softly. Castiel looked at him. He knew Sam knows what he was talking about. Sam was one if not the most observant person he’s ever met.

  
“I told him I love him,” he finally said. The hand rubbing his back stopped for a while before it started with a slower rhythm. He suddenly felt tired and sleepy. “I told him I love him and he ran away.”

  
Sam didn’t say anything. It was fine. At this moment Castiel didn’t want to hear anything.

  
“Why does it hurt so much?” he whispered once they were settled on the couch. Sam fetched him some water and Castiel accepted it gratefully.

  
“It just does, I guess.” Sam said. There was a sad look on his eyes that Castiel can now relate.

  
“Does it go away?”

  
“Eventually,” Sam gave him a soft smile, “Do you want it to go away?”

  
He knew what Sam was talking about. Would he want the pain to go away? Definitely. He didn’t have to worry about feelings when he was an Angel. He wasn’t used to this kind of pain. Would he want his feeling for Dean to go away?

  
Definitely not.

  
“You really love him do you?” Sam asked.

  
“I do,” he said, looking down at the glass of water on his hands. “I never had to think about it when I was an Angel. But now that the circumstances had changed it all came rushing into me like a grace would have. I just told Dean because I thought he had to know,” he looked over at Sam who was listening to him, “I – I don’t want to keep any secrets from him anymore. I didn’t know that telling him would lead to . . . this.”

  
“He’ll come around,” Sam said, “Dean – he gets like this sometimes. When he gets confronted with feelings he just shuts down and run away.” Turning toward the TV he continued, “Usually I just let him do his thing but I won’t stand back this time. I’ll talk to him, Cas.”

  
There were a lot of things he wanted to say, a lot of things he wanted to ask. But he felt tired from all the crying and from keeping his breathing right. Sam must have noticed because he told him to go to bed. Castiel didn’t really protest. He was feeling sleepy and exhausted so he let Sam lead him to his room.

  
Once inside he just stood at the doorway looking at how empty and dark his room was. There’s a bed but it felt plain and empty. He started stripping into his boxers and shirt and lay down. It felt cold, even with the duvet wrapped around him. Castiel looked around and noticed he didn’t really have that much stuff. There were some books, a couple of clothes, a slipper Sam gave him for giggles.  
He didn’t really have anything as a human.

  
Dean was his reason, his universe. But it seems that that one is gone too. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm planning on continuing this on Dean'd POV. I just wanted a glimpse of what Cas would feel.
> 
> Comments and suggestions are appreciated.  
> Thank you for reading!  
> Please don't hate me.


End file.
